THE ORIGIN OF THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF

In 1969,  psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” While these stages originally represented the feelings of people who were facing death, many people now apply them to experiencing other negative life changes such as losing a job or the end of a long term relationship, as well as people facing death or experiencing the death of loved ones.

These were the original 5 stages that Kübler-Ross presented:

• Denial : “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger :  “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”

The thing to remember is that Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives."

Remember, there is no timetable for grief. While the sense of loss and the intermittent sadness may never go away completely, people experience the cycle of grief differently. Some find that within a few weeks or months the period between waves of distress lengthens, and they are able to feel peace, renewed hope, and enjoy life more and more of the time. Others may face years of being hit with what feels like relentless waves of grief.