Antidepressants and Grief.
Posted Friday, February 8, 2008 by Dan B
I've come across some interesting discussion about antidepressants and people dealing with grief, and I thought we'd take a look at that today.

It's an interesting concept, and honestly one that I hadn't thought of before. Can people who are coping with grief benefit from antidepressants? Let's take a look at some different views on this topic.

After reading this article and several like it, I see that the medical and mental health communities seem to agree that the depression that one experiences during the grief process is typically secondary, and resulting from the original cause of the grief. They also believe that any depression experienced from grieving is typically short term (relatively) compared to full on depression. With that said, there is also some agreement that the grief process may trigger a long term depression that continues after the grieving has run it's course.

Basically, what that all means is that it's not usually necessary (or beneficial) to treat the grief experienced during the normal stages of grief with antidepressants. It is possible, however, for an extreme stressor to trigger a clinical depression, which may linger after the grieving has ended. It's important to understand the relationship between grief and depression so that you can recognize when the depression has become more than just a normal part of the grieving process. We'll take a look at that relationship in the next post, as well as how some antidepressants and mental health medicines may benefit clinical depression after grief.

Stay tuned!


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A picture of health: a personal take on dealing with grief and depression.
Posted Tuesday, January 15, 2008 by Dan B
So we've taken a look at everything from PTSD to Mental health medicines, the stages of grief, and support groups in my last blogs. Now we're going to change gears and look at some suggestions for ways to help you deal with grief, stress, and your overall mental health.

Today we're going to take a look at something that I feel is a great way to improve your mental health. This is my opinion, and while I can provide links to research that show that picking up a new hobby can be very helpful in the grieving process, or to help with stress or anxiety, I want to talk more specific today, and from personal experience.

PHOTOGRAPHY

There's a lot of people who believe that taking on a new hobby will help people dealing with grief, anger, stress, anxiety, depression... you get the point. The idea is that it allows the person to focus on something other that the issue that is causing their stress.
While I whole heartedly agree with this theory, I would like to take it a step further and suggest photography. Let me explain why:


There are two benefits that photography bring to the table that are above and beyond other "Hobbies" that a person can pick up. The first is that it actually makes you take the time to stop and look at the world around you. When you are going through a stressful time, you tend to spend a lot of time with your head down, and forget that there's an entire world happening around you. The second reason is that you start actually noticing the beauty around you too. When you're driving in your car and you come over that bridge and see the city skyline, or turn the corner on a country road and the light of the sunset strikes you just right, or that cold morning where the frost has frozen to the trees...

When you are going through a hard time, especially dealing with grief or depression, it's very important to find something that helps you see the beauty in things again.

When I first moved to Minnesota, I was going through a rough time. On top of that, I was new here, and didn't know anyone or have family in the area. I was trying to deal with my situation alone, and it got very hard. I stopped into a pawn shop one day, and saw a cannon camera (yep, an old 35mm) for fifty bucks. I had been fighting a pretty strong depression, and was trying to find something that would help me out of it, and that camera looked like it would do the trick. It did.

I left that pawn shop on that cold February day, went downtown, and parked my truck. I walked around Minneapolis for the first time that day, and found some great pictures. I stumbled on a greenhouse near an art museum that had a beautiful arboretum full of tropical flowers in bloom and tall palm trees. In February in Minnesota, that kind of beauty is a stark contrast to the cold drab outside...

It's been two years since then, and many hundreds of pictures later that camera still sits next to me. I got a digital for Christmas this year, so I'm getting even more excited about taking pictures. Every picture in my post today is one that I've taken over the last two years, starting with this palm tree picture taken on that cold February day. It helped get me out of my depression, and every day now I notice the beauty in the world around me.

Photography might not be the answer for you, but if you're dealing with stress, depression, grief, anxiety, or any issue that affects your mental health, maybe you should give it a try. There's a lot of beauty out there still waiting to be found!


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Welcome to my blog!
Posted Tuesday, January 15, 2008 by Dan B
This is just a quick summary of the topics that you will find in my blog. I am writing about how you can fit healthy living into your lifestyle, which includes everything from nutrition and exercise to mental health.

I started with some issues that can affect our mental health, and the ways that we can cope with them. Since the main page only shows the 25 most recent posts, some of the older ones can be accessed by clicking on the links below. Here are the topics I have talked about so far:

PTSD
Mental Health Medicine
Coping with Grief
Dealing with stress
Overall Mental Heath
How your lifestyle can affect your mental and physical health
Remember: Healthy living includes Mind, Body, and Soul!

Stay tuned!!! There's a lot more to come!
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Children and the grief process: When they need us more than ever.
Posted Monday, January 14, 2008 by Dan B
Ok, so in my last blog I asked you to look over some stories, poems, and pictures from kidsaid.com, a site for children going through the grieving process. When I stumbled across that site while doing research for an earlier blog, it gave me a pretty hard slap in the face.

We all talk about the grief that we are experiencing or have experienced. This is a very real process, and a very different process for each person it affects. Those of us who have experienced grief as adults, however, tend to forget that there is a very different side to grieving for children. We have the ability to go online and find blogs like mine, or websites like this, or support groups in our community. They do not. We may have friends and co-workers that will notice our grieving or that we can confide in. They do not. Furthermore, most often when a child has experienced a trauma, the adults in their life have been affected by the same trauma as well, either it has happened to them or they are grieving as well. The only people that these children have to turn to may be gone, or in so much pain of their own that the children don't get the attention that they need.

If you have just lost one of your parents, your children have just lost a grandparent. They don't understand why they are gone, and why you are acting like you are.

There is some great information on the Q & A section of kidsaid.com, as well as a glimpse into how parents coping with grief are trying to help their children. Take some time to read over them, it may help you with your children in a time of grieving, or even just help you put your own grief into perspective. If these children can get through the process of grieving, there's hope for us adults yet!

I focused on this topic as a transition from explaining the stages of grief and the symptoms people experience to a lighter series on ways that different people find success in dealing with grief. We'll take a look at some different ideas in my next few blogs.

Remember:

"The good news is: there's angles everywhere out there on the street, holdin' up a hand to pull you back up on your feet."
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Grief
Posted Monday, January 14, 2008 by Wanda Pabon


Stages of Grief

The loss of someone you love is very painful deep heartache and deep sorrow of not having the physical presence of our loved one can be overbearing. The emotions and the physical sensations a person goes through when experiencing the loss of someone close is called grief.

There are many ways to start discussing the grieving process, but perhaps one of the most known models of understanding loss and its effects is the Kubler-Ross Model.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance are the main five stages mentioned and often referred to when touching the subject of bereavement.

In order to get prepared for writing this post, I started searching for more information about the above mentioned model and of course my mind wondered off. I started asking myself, Who is Kubler-Ross? How and Why did she come up with the concept of breaking down the human reaction of facing death?

Well, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was one of triplets, born in Zurich (Switzerland) on July 8th, 1926. She studied medicine and worked for the International Voluntary Service for Peace after WWII. It was then that she discovered her passion, serving and helping the people whose lives had been destroyed by the unforgiving monster of war. One day in Maidanek (a concentration camp),she found carved in the wall where prisoners spent their last moments, the picture of a butterfly. Since then, "it became her symbol of transformation that she believed occurred at the time of death"

She later came to America and worked in many hospitals, bringing compassion and fighting against the "standardised" treatment of of patients facing death. She wrote many books but it was her bestselling first book, "On Death and Dying", 1969, that made her an internationally-renowned author. The five psychological stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) which were outlined in her book "became accepted as common knowledge throughout the world". She died at 78 on August 24th, 2004, in Scottsdale, Arizona of natural causes.

Her life was dedicated to the treatment of others, especially of those facing death and their loved ones with compassion, empathy and respect. I believe that understanding the bereavement process, is important in order to cope and know how to deal with grief. We should also raise awareness that the process for some people start much earlier, when physical death has not occurred yet. In the case of a prolonged illness this is a very stressful moment for both the family and the person making the transition. Following a  suicide the survivors face shock , anger, resentment and many other strong emotions. If left unresolved, they may cause depression and other mental health issues.

In my up-coming post, I will be addressing the ways that understanding, caring and compassion can help in dealing with the effects of grief.

Credits:
With written permission
http://www.ekrfoundation.org/

http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/





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Dealing with grief: Grief support groups.
Posted Thursday, January 10, 2008 by Dan B
Over the last few days we have broken down the stages of grief. Today we are going to take a look at a very useful tool to help with the coping process, grief support groups.

Grief support groups offer a group of caring people, often who have experienced similar loss or trauma, that can "walk along side you" through one of life's most difficult experiences. This is key to helping you through the grief process, as most people feel that they have to go through grieving alone.

There are many resources out there that can connect you to a support group, but I will give you a couple of great sites today that I feel offer a great service.

Find a support group near you
Griefshare.org is a great resource. Right from the homepage you can enter your zip code and find local groups in your area. They also offer daily e mail to help guide you through the process, information on grief, and much more.

Support groups for children and families

kidsaid.com and it's parent site griefnet.org offer grief support for children and their families. Often times we forget that children and entire families are affected by grief. These sites offer a 24/7/365 "Always on, always here" outlet for thoughts and feelings, which is a priceless tool for grieving parents who have the added task of helping their children grieve.


Even if you don't use one of  these sites, your local yellowpages will often list resources in your area. Remember, you don't have to go through the grieving process alone. There are many people out there reaching out their hands to help, and a helping hand makes coping with grief a lot less overwhelming.
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Breaking down the stages of grief: Acceptance.
Posted Tuesday, January 8, 2008 by Dan B
Over the last couple days we have been taking a look at the five stages of grief. Today we will look at the final stage in the grief process, acceptance.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance is really the first true stage on the upward swing to returning to normal functioning. The thing to note, however, is that we can be growing in acceptance, even while still in the depression or bargaining stages. This means that while the first signs of acceptance do typically show that the grieving person is on the upswing, it does not necessarily mean that the person has moved out of depression or bargaining. Caring Connections

Acceptance does not mean you have forgotten what has happened, just that you have turned the corner in the process of grieving. Often times, a person who has gone through an intensive grieving process will emerge with a new understanding for life, new priorities, and a different outlook. During the final phase, the person learns how to deal with grief, and how to live without guilt or sorrow. Ultimately, the person gives themselves permission to live life again, and to feel true emotions again.

Here is a great blog that talks in depth about the final phase in the grief process.

As I have said many times in the last few blogs, don't take these stages as set in stone. Emotional grief can manifest very differently in each person it affects. It is important to learn how to deal with grief, and how the grieving process affects you.

Remember, healthy living is mind, body, and soul!
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Breaking down the stages of grief: Depression and bargaining.
Posted Monday, January 7, 2008 by Dan B
We are in the middle of taking a deeper look at the stages of grief. Today we are going to look at depression and bargaining. The reason that I want to look at these together is that there are some varying views in which order they come in. The original view of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross noted that bargaining typically came before depression, while more recently the view of bargaining has changed and some believe that it comes after depression.

Either way, it is very important to remember that these stages, and the descriptions of them, are not by any means the only way that someone coping with grief will experience the effects that come after a traumatic event.

DEPRESSION
The depression phase is all about extremes. It feels like the sun has stopped shining, and that your life has come to an end. The pain and agony are so extreme that you can't remember the last time you smiled. Your bad habits become amplified: You drink to stay drunk, you eat all the time, you smoke non stop.

Men and women typically handle the depression phase differently.Men often internalize depression and mask it as anger. They also often attempt to displace it by burying themselves in their work.The sedona method of dealing with grief
Depression in women tends to be more obvious, as they don't feel the need to internalize and save face as much as men do. Even the most confident and secure women can become insecure and feel hopeless.

The key to depression is recognizing it. Once you take that first step, you can begin the recovery phase. It never, EVER, is a bad idea to ask for help, from your doctor, a friend, or anyone.

BARGAINING
Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with their higher power ("Take me instead" or "If you make this stop I'll...". People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

In newer takes on the grief process, bargaining has been combined with dialogue and noted after the depression phase. The characteristics of this view show bargaining as being a way out of depression, such as reaching out to others, a desire to tell one's story, and a struggle to find understanding in what has happened.

Remember, dealing with grief is a very real and very difficult process. Grieving is a very natural thing, but takes different courses in each person that it affects. The stages of dealing with grief may be different for each person, but as a whole they are commonly experienced in some way, shape, or form by people who experience a traumatic event in their life.
 
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Stages of grief: Anger.
Posted Monday, January 7, 2008 by Dan B
We're looking at the second step in the five stages of grief.

ANGER
A big thing to remember with anger is that it is very important that it is dealt with, not acted out, ignored, or taken out on others.

It is important to be aware that you are getting angry, and pay attention to what causes the anger to flare up. Some recommend to keep a log of the times that you get angry, and include the physical signs, behavioral signs, and situations that you notice with each instance. This can help immensely in self awareness and anger management.

Anger is difficult because it can actually be a very painful feeling. Beyond the mental drain, there is a very physical side that comes out with anger. Increased heart rate, brain function, breathing, and more can be common with these flair ups.

This anger can come in many different forms, anger at the person who died for not taking care of themselves better, anger at yourself for not taking better care of them, or even anger that you didn't see the event coming.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler wrote the book On Grief and Grieving. This is what they say about anger.Look inside the book "On Grief and Grieving"

"It is important to remember that the anger surfaces once you are feeling safe enough to know you will probably survive whatever comes. At first, the fact that you lived through the loss is surprising to you. Then more feelings hit, and anger is usually at the front of the line as feelings of sadness, panic, hurt, and loneliness also appear, stronger than ever. Loved ones and friends are often taken aback by these feelings, because they surface just as you were beginning to function at a basic level again"


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Breaking down the stages of grief: Denial
Posted Sunday, January 6, 2008 by Dan B
Many of us in our life come upon a time when we are confronted with dealing with grief. The grief process can be overwhelming, and emotional grief can have a strong physical effect as well.

Over the next few blogs we will look at the five stages of grief. Today we will look at Denial.

WHAT IS DENIAL?
  • A way to avoid conflict, disagreements, or disapproval from others.
  • A defensive response; protection from pain, hurt, or suffering.
  • Being unwilling to face problems on either a conscious or subconscious level.
  • A way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.
HOW DOES DENIAL LOOK IN OTHERS?
  • Appear to be irrational to those who know the problems and losses  they have suffered.
  • Appear to be calm and relaxed to those who do not know the problems and losses they have suffered.
  • Appear to be avoiding or rejecting those who are intent on confronting them with their problems.
WHAT ARE THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF UNRESOLVED DENIAL?
  • Greater conflict between the deniers and the non-deniers.
  • The denier totally avoiding or withdrawing from everyone who knows of the loss or problem.
  • The denier becoming a social recluse.
HOW CAN WE DEAL WITH DENIAL OURSELVES?

  • Asking ourselves honestly why we are in denial.
  • Allowing ourselves to admit to being out of control.
  • Trusting others to help us with our problem.
  • Admitting our vulnerability and our need for assistance.
HOW CAN WE COPE WITH DENIAL IN OTHERS?
  • Have a great deal of patience in order to allow them the time it takes to finally confront their loss or problems.
  • Be accepting of the denial as a psychological defense that is a vehicle for them to retain their sanity.
  • Be ready with a rational perspective to help them refute their current irrational beliefs.
Please note that these are just a few of the points on each topic that show denial. For the complete list, and some great tools for coping with life's stressors, visit coping.org.
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Coping with grief and loss: The stages of grief.
Posted Sunday, January 6, 2008 by Dan B

THE ORIGIN OF THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF

In 1969,  psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” While these stages originally represented the feelings of people who were facing death, many people now apply them to experiencing other negative life changes such as losing a job or the end of a long term relationship, as well as people facing death or experiencing the death of loved ones.

These were the original 5 stages that Kübler-Ross presented:

  • Denial : “This can’t be happening to me.”
  • Anger :  “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  • Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”

The thing to remember is that Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives."

Remember, there is no timetable for grief. While the sense of loss and the intermittent sadness may never go away completely, people experience the cycle of grief differently. Some find that within a few weeks or months the period between waves of distress lengthens, and they are able to feel peace, renewed hope, and enjoy life more and more of the time. Others may face years of being hit with what feels like relentless waves of grief.

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