On Dying and Compassion

In my last post we took a look at the stages of grief and the life and work of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. In reading about her work I learned that she fought to her last days for the rights of dying patients and loved ones to be treated with respect and compassion.

When facing those hard last moments you should offer the gift of support and understanding. Be present in heart, not only physically. Listen without judging and respect the feelings of those around you. Remember not everyone reacts the same. Be there when needed, offer your companionship, but know that often the dying person needs time by themselves. When they express their wish to be left alone, honor it.

At the time of death spirituality is generally very important for the one making the transition. If they have a different religious path than yours, be supportive and participate, this is not the time to impose your own beliefs. Hospice Net offers these excellent advise:

Touch your loved one in a way that is comforting to your loved one (hold hands, rub her head, snuggle...). Let your physical presence be part of what nurtures a place of trust.

Tell your loved one you love him. If he is unable to respond then answer for him. "And I believe you love me too."

Tell them that you feel God's love in this place surrounding you and her. Let her know your trust is now in God. If you can express your experience of God's love/presence then describe it to her. If it feels natural to you, you could use a scriptural image (i.e. God has the hairs on your head numbered, so I believe that God knows where you are and knows your name).

Tell them that God will continue to support you after she is gone and that you will make it in the future with your faith in God and your belief that she is at peace with God.

Forgive your loved one of any past estrangement/ behavior/words. If he is unable to respond then answer for him, "And I believe you forgive me too."

Give your loved one permission to let go. Again assure her that you trust the move from your loving hands into God's loving arms. Offer words such as "God is here with me and you, let's hold on to God now," "God's arms are open to you," "I am here for you, and so is God."

Of course they use the word God, but I believe that spirit is one and divinity has many names. Use the one that brings comfort to you and your loved ones. Quality of life should include dying, do the most to assure you and your loved ones go through this transition with respect and compassion. To quote Dr. Kubler-Ross, "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." 

 May love and compassion surround you and yours in life and at the inevitable time of death. Take care of each other with an out-most giving heart, let not a moment go by when you don't express your feelings for those around you. Live well and at the end of your journey, die well.