Grief: Coping with the Holidays

The Holiday Season brings family and friends together. It is a time for sharing with loved ones in the traditions we hold dear. There are celebrations, gifts and old memories to be remembered and new ones to be made involving everything and everyone we hold close to our hearts. But, what if we are going through the loss of a family member or friend? How can we cope during this season not having the physical presence of a loved one? How can I grieve and still be part of gatherings and celebrations?

First of all, you have to be yourself and not put up a front. Own your emotions and know there is not a right or wrong way to feel. If you feel sad share it with a friend or close family member. Chances are people around you will not only comfort you, but find comfort as well in having a good talk. Know you are not alone.

Be flexible! We hold traditions and schedules so tightly we may add to the mounting stress of the holidays, and this is true even if we haven't experienced a loss. Try to get enough rest and don't be afraid to pick and choose the traditions you want to follow this year.

What about shopping? You may want to replace an exhausting Christmas shopping marathon. Gift Cards are now available in almost every store, make use of them. It is healthy to remain part of traditions, but keep it simple!

If you find yourself with not enough energy, let other people help. During hard times people come closer together. If someone offers to help clean your house or go grocery shopping take them on their offer. Also if they don't offer let them know how they can help, often they don't know how to behave around a bereaved person, and wont want to intrude. It is funny how we let people help when we are recovering from surgery or any medical ailment, but we close up when we are recovering from a loss. The pain is equally if not more real. You need help, accept it, seek it.

Maybe is a good time to learn some meditation and breathing techniques, they are known to prevent depression and anxiety. Remember there is emotional grief and physical grief . Pay attention to your aches and pains.

Don't be afraid of having a good time. It is OK to laugh. If it makes you more comfortable put a basket and fill it with pictures or little notes with good things to be remembered about your loved one. Maybe get a "Guest Book" for people to right fun memories and thoughts during that special holiday dinner. This is a good way to honor and include them. Light a small candle and start a new tradition that will keep their memory alive.

 Most importantly, educate yourself. Read about loss and understand the process and stages of grieving. Take care of your own health and well-being. Understand and be patient with yourself. Look for a support group, speaking and listening to others helps in coping with loneliness. Re-adjustment after the passing of a loved one is a long process. Find this holiday season an opportunity to grow stronger from within.