Stages of Grief

The loss of someone you love is very painful deep heartache and deep sorrow of not having the physical presence of our loved one can be overbearing. The emotions and the physical sensations a person goes through when experiencing the loss of someone close is called grief.

There are many ways to start discussing the grieving process, but perhaps one of the most known models of understanding loss and its effects is the Kubler-Ross Model.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance are the main five stages mentioned and often referred to when touching the subject of bereavement.

In order to get prepared for writing this post, I started searching for more information about the above mentioned model and of course my mind wondered off. I started asking myself, Who is Kubler-Ross? How and Why did she come up with the concept of breaking down the human reaction of facing death?

Well, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was one of triplets, born in Zurich (Switzerland) on July 8th, 1926. She studied medicine and worked for the International Voluntary Service for Peace after WWII. It was then that she discovered her passion, serving and helping the people whose lives had been destroyed by the unforgiving monster of war. One day in Maidanek (a concentration camp),she found carved in the wall where prisoners spent their last moments, the picture of a butterfly. Since then, "it became her symbol of transformation that she believed occurred at the time of death"

She later came to America and worked in many hospitals, bringing compassion and fighting against the "standardised" treatment of of patients facing death. She wrote many books but it was her bestselling first book, "On Death and Dying", 1969, that made her an internationally-renowned author. The five psychological stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) which were outlined in her book "became accepted as common knowledge throughout the world". She died at 78 on August 24th, 2004, in Scottsdale, Arizona of natural causes.

Her life was dedicated to the treatment of others, especially of those facing death and their loved ones with compassion, empathy and respect. I believe that understanding the bereavement process, is important in order to cope and know how to deal with grief. We should also raise awareness that the process for some people start much earlier, when physical death has not occurred yet. In the case of a prolonged illness this is a very stressful moment for both the family and the person making the transition. Following a  suicide the survivors face shock , anger, resentment and many other strong emotions. If left unresolved, they may cause depression and other mental health issues.

In my up-coming post, I will be addressing the ways that understanding, caring and compassion can help in dealing with the effects of grief.

Credits:
With written permission
http://www.ekrfoundation.org/

http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/

The seeds in this plant contain strychnine, a toxic alkaloid, that causes paralysis, muscle cramps and breathing problems. When extremely, diluted, however, it can support the nervous system. As a homeopathic medicine, Ignatia, in minute quantities can alleviate hypersensitivity, headaches, emotional and stomach distress and menstrual pain. Ignatia is prepared by taking the dried seeds from the plant and grinding them into a fine powder which is then added to alcohol or put into pill form.

• Do you sigh often and loudly? 
• Do you cry suddenly, when alone?
• Are your feelings worse when someone tries to calm you?
• Have you had a deep loss and feel helpless due to your grief?
• Do you have migraine headaches and stress driven intestinal ills?
• Do you brood and keep your feelings to yourself?

• When resting on the affected side.
• On a full stomach.
• After switching positions.
• When warm.

• When pressure is applied on the unaffected side.
• As you are being consoled.
• Where there are strong tobacco odors.
• With pent up emotions such as grief, fear or anger.

• May cause hangover symptoms the next day.
• Valerian has been reported to cause stimulant effects in about 5% of hte population.
• Headaches, nervousness, palpitations and upset tummy are rare side effects.
• NEVER combine any sedative with alcoholic beverages folks - it's just not wise to tempt fate!

As well as being the cold & flu season, unfortunately this is also the season for depression and grief for many, so I will continue on with alternative medicine herbs for mental health issues.

In today's society natural remedies are taking a front seat to the usual medicines that most mental health care professionals chose for us. As an addition to my favorite stress reducing technique of choice: "relaxation breathing" - which Wanda P. does a fine job in describing in her blog entry "Wave Breathing" here in Cha Cha Health - there are certain herbs that come to mind for dealing with grief, emotional issues and depression; Kava Kava (Piper methysticum) is one of those.

Called the "natural tranquilizer", kava is a member of the pepper family, believe it or not. The plant usually grows to about 6 feet tall but in rich, dark soil can actually get to about 20 feet in height.

The compounds that give Kava its effects are kavalactones. Preparations of the herb are usually about 70% kavalactones. Be sure to check your labels carefully - regardless of whether you are taking it in pill, tea, tonic or other format.

Kava Kava has traditionally been used in Polynesian tribal rituals. Grown in the South Pacific for more than 3,000 years, the local use of the herb as a relaxing traditional beverage has been likened to the tradition of drinking a glass of wine at the end of the day. But be careful folks, it does have some intense intoxicating effects - so don't Kava and drive!

Kava has been shown to be very effective for anxiety and depression. Generally, Anxiety is often accompanied by such physical symptoms as shortness of breath, hyperventilation, heart palpitations, muscle tension, sweating, dry mouth, nausea and dizziness.

For General Anxiety, take 100mg of Kava extract - three times a day (please make sure it is standard 70% kavalactone!).

Taking 400-600mg as a sleeping sedative about one hour before bedtime is good for those nights your mind just doesn't want to shut up.

PLEASE remember that taking any alternative herbal remedy should always be checked with your physician first. You may have other issues that could harm you in the long run.

CAUTIONS:
DO NOT take Kava Kava with alcoholic beverages or taking sleeping pills, anti-depressants or other sedatives.
DO NOT use for more than three months without medical advice and/or supervision.
DO NOT drive or use heavy machinery while taking Kava Kava!
DO NOT use if pregnant or breastfeeding little ones!
Avoid Kava if you have Parkinson's disease.
Avoid mega doses!!!

*may cause mild gastrointestinal disturbances (that's GAS to you and I); and with heavy use it may also cause your skin to turn a slight shade of yellow - don't worry folks, it goes away after you stop using it.

Grief: Coping with the Holidays

The Holiday Season brings family and friends together. It is a time for sharing with loved ones in the traditions we hold dear. There are celebrations, gifts and old memories to be remembered and new ones to be made involving everything and everyone we hold close to our hearts. But, what if we are going through the loss of a family member or friend? How can we cope during this season not having the physical presence of a loved one? How can I grieve and still be part of gatherings and celebrations?

First of all, you have to be yourself and not put up a front. Own your emotions and know there is not a right or wrong way to feel. If you feel sad share it with a friend or close family member. Chances are people around you will not only comfort you, but find comfort as well in having a good talk. Know you are not alone.

Be flexible! We hold traditions and schedules so tightly we may add to the mounting stress of the holidays, and this is true even if we haven't experienced a loss. Try to get enough rest and don't be afraid to pick and choose the traditions you want to follow this year.

What about shopping? You may want to replace an exhausting Christmas shopping marathon. Gift Cards are now available in almost every store, make use of them. It is healthy to remain part of traditions, but keep it simple!

If you find yourself with not enough energy, let other people help. During hard times people come closer together. If someone offers to help clean your house or go grocery shopping take them on their offer. Also if they don't offer let them know how they can help, often they don't know how to behave around a bereaved person, and wont want to intrude. It is funny how we let people help when we are recovering from surgery or any medical ailment, but we close up when we are recovering from a loss. The pain is equally if not more real. You need help, accept it, seek it.

Maybe is a good time to learn some meditation and breathing techniques, they are known to prevent depression and anxiety. Remember there is emotional grief and physical grief . Pay attention to your aches and pains.

Don't be afraid of having a good time. It is OK to laugh. If it makes you more comfortable put a basket and fill it with pictures or little notes with good things to be remembered about your loved one. Maybe get a "Guest Book" for people to right fun memories and thoughts during that special holiday dinner. This is a good way to honor and include them. Light a small candle and start a new tradition that will keep their memory alive.

 Most importantly, educate yourself. Read about loss and understand the process and stages of grieving. Take care of your own health and well-being. Understand and be patient with yourself. Look for a support group, speaking and listening to others helps in coping with loneliness. Re-adjustment after the passing of a loved one is a long process. Find this holiday season an opportunity to grow stronger from within.